…a strange man who shows up and wrestles Jacob till daybreak rudely interrupts his plans. At some point during this weird contest Jacob realizes that he is wrestling God. And when God decides it’s time to end the match, he dislocates Jacob’s hip and demands to be released. And Jacob, in significant pain, replies, “I will not let you go unless you bless me” (Genesis 32:26).
Ever since I started to pay more attention to the Bible, to God’s Word, and the writings and guidance of some amazing teachers, I’ve been spellbound by the idea of wrestling with God. I’m no stranger to this, mind you. My years of losing and struggling with my faith were wildnerness years. They were wrestling years.
Looking back, though, I think maybe they were more like petulant child years…no less a wrestling match, but just different. I wasn’t engaged enough. I wasn’t locked into an embrace with God.
Now I am locked in. I’ve submitted to several things I didn’t want to do at all in 2018: this blog, namely…a huge blessing. 2019 will hold more of the same. I’m on a health journey that I KNOW has to happen, but I have fought and resisted and bargained and self-sabotaged. This is my ultimate wrestling with God, and now I’m not trying to run away, but wrestling for patience, consistency, and the blessings I know He wants to bestow on me.
He was full of fear and desperation. But he ended the night of struggle with God’s blessing and a renewed faith. All of our struggling with God in faith leads to peace.
Rowdy and Redeemed 
That last paragraph about health and self-sabotage and YES. Same. Same same same same same. Even today, I am sitting here trying to bargain with God and do what I want even though I know it’s not best vs what I know he wants for me (and that I claim to want for myself) because, well, I would rather have instant gratification than a faithful payoff. The struggle (wrestling???) is real. I am just trying to pray, pray, pray, pray and stay connected and constantly ask for help to do His will.
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Ohhh gosh, I can relate so much to what you’re saying here. I slacked in my prayer and Scripture writing over the holiday break. Gotta get plugged back in so I can work on some goals.
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