This is big. When I started writing the Scripture a year or so ago, I had no idea what a rabbit hole I was falling down. Or I did. Theology and faith are bottomless. But I didn’t expect myself to fall down it as thoroughly and deeply as I have. Having left my book blog that I’ve fostered for 14 years, I live here now, so I figured I’d better start writing.
But how? Where?
I can’t even wrap my arms around what this journey has meant to me so far. I can’t summarize what I’ve learned, how I’ve begun to internalize it, how I am changing, how I am humbled, inspired, touched, how I struggle, wrestle, how I am completely engulfed. I can’t even explain how much better Jesus of Nazareth is than what I’ve learned all my life. There’s so much honest, bottomless, endless, gracious love.
I am a thinking person. A person who enjoys research. Analysis. The hunt for knowledge. The pursuit of wisdom. I love understanding cultures and people and emotions and human nature. I love considering. Getting my graduate degree in English, before this personal faith study started, was the most amazing, touching, inspired thing I’ve ever done for the ways it challenged and rewarded me. It lit me up.
This feels like that…but better. Christian theology is challenging and complicated and charged. I’m growing intellectually, I’m being stretched emotionally, I’m challenged, and rewarded. I am so wonderfully confused. I’m even more confused by the gatekeepers and the judgment makers. I’m called to love them anyway because that’s God-style, Jesus-directed agape goodness.
I asked God where to start, and this is it. I’m just…swirling around in this chaos. Maybe coherence comes later.