Just Showing Up

I am overwhelmed. I am…PMSing, let’s be honest. I have probably been indoors and introverting too much since my Christmas break started. I am cranky. Sleepy. Tired. Annoyed.

Opening an early Christmas gift didn’t even make me feel better. It made me feel guilty and consumerist (even though I love the gift). My house needs cleaning and I’ve been avoiding that…or at least not making much headway. Overwhelmed. Annoyed.

I was lying in bed last night thinking about Bible writing, which I wanted to do, but was too tired, headachey, and husband was trying to sleep. I lay there, completely overwhelmed by all the choices I have for study and by my own thoughts. I could listen to an audiobook, music, read, write. I really wanted to write, but again, I just have too many thoughts…I don’t even know where to start.

I am at once overwhelmed by God’s goodness and baffled at the way people around the world hurt each other. At last, I turned on some music because I find that God meets me there. I’m soothed. I can focus…or at least relax. I meditated. I turned on an episode of The Bible Project…back to the first episode of the God series.

I am just showing up in the noise. I’m here, God. I’m here.

 

6 thoughts on “Just Showing Up

  1. Ugh, I hate when I’m too tired to even journal properly. I hope you’re able to truly relax and feel centered soon.

    I hadn’t heard of TBP (you probably mentioned it before). It sounds awesome.

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    1. It is soooo so good. Tim Mackie is an amazing teacher, and his partner in crime, John, is basically in my head and asking all the questions. lol I got out of the house today and spent some time with my mom, had a good cry over the Mr. Rogers movie, and I’m feeling a little better. Less noise. I’ve been reading your Month of Faves! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for writing such an honest post. It’s helpful to see how many of us are struggling this time of year! I’m glad to see in your previous comment that you found a few things to comfort you.

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    1. Thank you, Katie! Yes, these days can be a big struggle for so many. It was good to clear my head. I hope you’re well!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m kind of floundering too. My tyrannical VP retired at the end of the year which is great but the incoming interim and the dark cloud of whomever will be appointed in her place is not looking good. It’s making me anxious because i know when I go back to work it will be a difficult situation. Too many changes. Right now I am trying to enjoy my son being home from college but that cloud is looming and pissing me off.

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    1. I absolutely feel for you. That situation has shades of my old job. I hope the transition is smoother than you anticipate and that you can find some peace in the meantime. You’re in my prayers, Ti!

      Like

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